Bij het lezen van een artikel van een moeder die achteraf zegt dat ze haar kind niet had gewild, vraag ik mij af hoeveel hulp deze vrouw wel niet heeft gekregen voor haar kind en niet voor haarzelf. Haar kind zit nu in een instelling omdat haar kind en moeder het gedrag niet onder controle heeft.
In de opvoeding heb je niet alleen met je kind te maken, maar ook met je ‘zelf’.Ik weet natuurlijk veel te weinig van deze casus af, besef me ook dat ik me op dit moment heel erg kwetsbaar opstel. Uit ervaring weet ik dat heel veel mensen laat hulp zoeken. Waardoor de machteloosheid zo hoog op kan lopen, dat de tijd van verandering steeds langer gaat duren. Je energie is op. Je kunt niet meer…
Hoe mooi is het om te weten wie jij als ouder bent, en je bewust wordt van je handelen in de opvoeding van je kinderen. Kijk maar eens naar Family Island, hier zie je ook zó duidelijk hoeveel gedrag kinderen van de ouders spiegelen.
Wanneer mijn kind haar stem op een boze wijze gebruikt, kijk ik ook naar mijzelf. Zij is mijn spiegel. Ik kan haar vertellen dat ze vriendelijk moet praten, maar als ik geen ander voorbeeld laat zien dan zal dat de situatie niet veranderen.
Ik weet door mijn negen jaar ervaring in de begeleiding aan mensen met een niet aangeboren hersenletsel en gezinnen waarvan ik de kinderen met autisme begeleid, dat de situaties hoog kunnen oplopen. Men verwacht dat je als hulpverlener met een toverstok direct de hele situatie kunt veranderen. Hierbij moet ik ze altijd teleurstellen… eerst komt het besef van het anders willen doen. Gevolgd door het achteraf terugkijken op je handelen, naar bewustwording van je handelen naar handelen in wie je wilt zijn. Maar besef dat als jij aan jezelf gaat werken en weet wie je bent en waarom je doet wat je doet, dat je met zoveel relaxedheid de opvoeding van je kinderen kunt aangaan. En de glimlach op jouw gezicht steeds vaker tevoorschijn zal komen. Waardoor jij en je kinderen zullen gaan genieten van elkaar. De strijd wordt minder, de lach wordt groter.
Als ik naar mijn kinderen kijk zie ik…
Mij!
Wie zie jij?
Je kunt zo ontzettend veel leren van je kind over jouw eigen ik.
Kijk maar eens goed!
Mooi weekend
Sophie de Rijke
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